5 Super Creepy Songs About Turning 16 And One MTV Video That Should Be Banned
Ah, creepy songs about teenagers. A topic that never fails to make my skin crawl!
It takes a special kind of artist to turn an innocent crush into something that feels straight-up predatory.
And yet, we have no shortage of musicians who seem to drive white vans and cruise outside high schools.
From the Beatles‘ “Run For Your Life” to the Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close To Me,” these songs are a cringe-worthy reminder of the worst aspects of rock and roll.
So, to all the artists out there still writing songs about teenage girls: please stop. You’re not edgy, you’re just gross.
But, the winner, the ABSOLUTE WINNER in this race is one Benny Mardones.
Good LORD in HEAVEN what were Benny and MTV thinking?
Apparently they thought there was a lack of “Perv 101” videos on standby. Benny’s dedication is impressive! Sneaking into her room after her parents told the Level 3 to take a hike?
Ah, the ’80s. They really hit different today, right?
Let’s break this song down:
It’s about a grown man obsessing over a teenage girl, which is not only creepy but, um, also SOOOOOO illegal.
The lyrics are filled with sexual innuendos that would make your grandmother blush
The weird part is it’s a good song – melodywise – but when you’re driving your kid to soccer practice, you feel like you might need to arrest yourself for singing along.
I mean, HOW OLD IS BENNY in this video? And how old is that terrified actress? Paging Brooke Shields. This girl needs your therapist.
The song’s chorus repeats the phrase “She’s just 16 years old, leave her alone.” PLEASE PAY ATTENTION. Leave her alone. Weirdo.
Anywho. Benny really just followed a long sordid history of songs about 16 year olds.
What was with this creepy genre of music that promoted predators and romanticized the idea of dating a sweet, innocent young girls?
I haven’t been this disturbed since I recently unearthed the ’70s Love’s Baby Soft ad campaign, which deserves the Chris Hanson treatment – if only he wasn’t a perv now, too.
But I digress.
Here are five songs about 16 year olds that make me want to call DSS.