Look, I know my job. It’s to get you to click on articles and sometimes the easiest way to get them clicks is to post big scary articles with scary headlines. This article would have probably gotten a lot more clicks for instance if I had titled it: ARE YOUR CHILDREN ALREADY POISONED?!?!?!

But I don’t believe in scare tactics and I don’t believe in people intentionally trying to get your kids hooked on drugs this Halloween. So here is a list of things you will NOT find in your kid’s Halloween candy this year.

PS. By all means check your kids candy for dangerous stuff, we live in a crazy world after all, but just don’t be shocked when you don’t find any of the following.

  • 1. Rainbow Fentanyl

    This will be a common theme here but drug dealers are NOT in the habit of giving away their products for free. They are in the habit of making money. That is something that is hard to do when you give your product away to random people (Econ 101)

    This stuff looks dangerous because it looks like candy, so by all means keep an eye out for it just to be safe. But the chances of it ending up in your kids bag are slim to none.

  • 2. LSD

    Oh this is a throwback to when I was a kid in the 80s and it’s crazy to see that nothing has changed since. “Sometimes drug dealers put LSD on stickers and then when you put it on your face or arm you get HIGH!”

    So far (and with some people I know it’s not from a lack of trying) there have been no reported cases of this happening.

  • 3. Poison

    There have been NO, I repeat NO reported cases of someone purposefully putting poison into kids Halloween candy. Yet the urban legend persists. Why?

    Well there are two cases giving this threat of death life. One is in 1974 an 8 year old boy died from cyanide poisoning after eating Pixie Stix. His dad helped the police track down the house where he claimed it came from, but the police couldn’t prove anyone there had anything to do with it. Then they had the same thought that everyone right now is probably having. “What if his father did it?”

    Ding! Sadly this was the right answer. Ronald O’Bryan had killed his 8 year old son with cyanide to collect his life insurance. He also put cyanide laced pixie stix in the bags of his daughter and 3 other children, but miraculously none of them consumed it.

    There was also a case in the 60s where someone who hated Halloween gave out ant poison to kids. No one ate any of it, thankfully.

    So it’s kind of sort of happened. But like many of these cases when it seems like a stranger is behind it, usually it’s the parents.

  • 4. Razor Blades

    There have been some cases where kids have reported finding razor blades in their candy, but usually the follow up is that the kids put the blades there themselves to freak out their parents and IT WORKED.

  • 5. Heroin

    File this with Fentanyl and LSD. Drug dealers and users are not in the habit of giving their stuff away, and are a lot less likely to do it with more expensive and addictive substances. There is ONE case of child dying from ingesting Heroin on Halloween. It happened in 1970 where a young boy died from a heroin overdose. His parents originally claimed it was from his candy being sprinkled with heroin.In the end it turned out that he had ingested a heroin pill that belonged to his uncle and the parents were covering for him.

  • 6. Weed, THC, Electric Lettuce, Mary Jane

    Call it whatever you want (my personal favorite is “JAZZ CABBAGE”) there have been little to no cases of someone handing out weed on Halloween to children. Of all of them though this one seems the most likely with the prevelance of weed gummies and candy these days, a mistake could be made but nope.

    The closest we have is in 2000 in California a postal worker accidentally handed out what he thought were snickers bars to trick-or-treaters but they turned out to be laced with marijuana (he had gotten them from the dead letter office at work).

  • 7. Laxatives

    Ummmm ok so this one actually did happen, and actually is a case of somoene trying to poison kids. Back in the 1950s a dentist who hated Halloween gave out laxatives to kids.

    No one died, but some kids did get pretty sick.

    (This isn’t the point but I always wonder why Dentists hate Halloween. Isn’t it a day that keeps them in business? If anything they should be handing out snack-size snickers bars 24/7 365!)

    Anyway even though it did happen it’s one case from 60+ years ago.