The Oldest Twinkie Is 50 But Your Pantry Is Worse

A twinkie last forever, like cockroaches or your aunt’s unwavering love of Jell-O molds?

Turns out the myth is only half true.

Yes, fifty. Old enough to get AARP mailers and complain about loud music. This legendary snack lives in Blue Hill, Maine, thanks to a chemistry teacher named Roger Bennatti.

Back in 1976, Roger’s class was talking about food additives when a student asked a very reasonable question: how long would a Twinkie last?

Instead of guessing, Roger did what all good teachers do. He opened one and decided to find out. And then he never threw it away.

That Twinkie has been hanging around ever since, sitting in a glass case at the school for decades like a museum artifact.

Or a very beige hostage.

Which brings up an important reminder: there is absolutely no need to keep food in a cage. If your snack requires protective glass, it has crossed a line.

So what does a 50-year-old Twinkie look like? Shockingly, it still has the basic Twinkie shape.

Roger retired in 2004 and passed the Twinkie to one of his former students, who is now the dean of the same school. She’s been displaying it on her shelf for 22 years. (Academia truly respects tradition.)

Anyway, Roger recently joked that he and the Twinkie are now a lot alike: old, gray, and flaky. Honestly, relatable.

Before you clutch your pearls, let’s be clear. One walk through your parents’ or grandparents’ kitchen and this Twinkie loses instantly. Case in point: I have spices that belonged to my grandmother, and she has been dead for 28 years. My mother somehow has even older spices. Ancient spices. Possibly traded for silk.

So that 50-year-old Twinkie needs to sit down. One holiday visit and it’s beat by a landslide.

For the record, the official shelf life of a Twinkie back in the ’70s was just 26 days. Today it’s up to 45, thanks to better packaging. Science is amazing, but not amazing enough to make you want to eat this thing.