Nothing To Love About These U.S. Open Prices

You will NOT believe what people are shelling out for at the US Open this year. I can’t even pay for air conditioning, but somebody out there is sipping $225 cocktails under a crystal ping-pong net.

Yes, crystal. For ping-pong. I don’t know who asked for this, but apparently it’s a vibe.

Hotels are cashing in too. One spot has a $1,770-a-night “Game Set Stay.” It comes with a chauffeur, a rooftop mini-court, and a branded tennis cap. For that price, I better be playing doubles with Serena and getting tucked in by Federer.

Then there’s the $1,100 package. You get a cap, a cocktail, and a ride. A cap. A cocktail. A ride. My Lyft driver hands me water and that’s free.

The real kicker? A $3,395-a-night “Game Set Sparkle.” You get Moët, a tennis bracelet, and a pickleball seat. For nearly four grand, they better throw in a new wrist to wear the bracelet on.

And the U.S. Open food? Don’t get me started. There’s a $38 sandwich. Yes, thirty-eight dollars. It’s got rotisserie chicken, smoked duck, and avocado aioli. I’m sure it’s delicious, but that’s also my electric bill. Which, by the way, I haven’t paid because I chose groceries.

Look, my grandmother used to say, “People have more money than brains.” She was right. Because this isn’t about tennis anymore. It’s not about who’s serving aces. It’s about who’s got the dumbest receipt.

One man’s $5 Starbucks is another man’s $50 cocktail. Wealth is relative. But there’s a difference between “treat yourself” and “I just dropped rent money on a mini sandwich.”

So while I sit here sweating with my fan on “high” and my budget on “low,” someone out there is bragging about their crystal ping-pong night. Good for them. I guess.

But me? I’ll stick with my $5 latte. At least it comes with air-conditioning if I drink it in the café.