Headphones Exist. Use Them.

There’s a special place in hell for people who blast their phones in public. And apparently, that place is the London Underground. The city is cracking down on folks who think the world needs to hear their TikTok feed at full volume.

Bless them.

Look, I go absolutely bonkers when people don’t use headphones. What are they thinking? Do they imagine I’ve been dying to watch a baseball game on their iPhone 7? Do they assume I’ve cleared my schedule to hear the F word screamed 47 times during one scene of Breaking Bad? Or maybe they think Coldplay is my favorite too? Newsflash: it’s not.

The worst offenders? Teenagers. They treat the bus like their personal Coachella. Then there are the middle-aged dudes streaming ESPN highlights, holding their phones an inch from their faces while I get the commentary whether I want it or not. And let’s not forget the moms who hand their toddlers iPads blasting “Baby Shark” on repeat. I love kids. I hate “Baby Shark.”

London has had enough. Officials are literally shaming people who don’t use headphones on public transport. Posters. Campaigns. The whole thing. Because sometimes the only thing scarier than a crowded Tube is sitting next to a guy who thinks everyone wants to hear his YouTube conspiracy rabbit hole.

And you know what? People have snapped before. There was the woman in New York who threw another rider’s boombox out the subway door. There are countless Reddit threads about passengers begging conductors to intervene. Some poor souls just move seats, quietly dying inside. Others… retaliate.

Loud coughing. Passive-aggressive singing. Full-on “accidental” phone drops.

But honestly, it shouldn’t come to that. It’s 2025.

They come free with phones! We’re not in the Dark Ages here. Nobody wants to share your playlist. Nobody asked.

So please, for the love of humanity—and my sanity—plug in. Or risk becoming the next headline: “Man arrested after fellow passenger throws his Bluetooth speaker into the Thames.”