Take Your Birthday Seriously, Because No One Else Will.

I take my birthday very seriously. Like… Olympic-level serious. I’m a Scorpio. We don’t do anything halfway.

On October 1st, I make my annual announcement: “It’s my birthday month!” Yes, it’s obnoxious. No, I don’t care. We’re lucky to be alive, people. Another trip around the sun deserves a celebration—even if the year was an absolute dumpster fire. Especially if the year was a dumpster fire.

Apparently, I’m not alone in my passion for self-celebration. A new survey says 22% of Americans take their birthday “extremely seriously.” Among Gen Z and Millennials, that jumps to 34%. You know, the generations that turn a coffee run into an Instagram-worthy event.

The seriousness isn’t just about getting older—it’s about feeling special. It’s about being celebrated. It’s about cake that you didn’t have to bake. Twelve percent of people say they would literally hold it against you if you didn’t show up to their party. And you know what? Respect.

The survey even broke it down by zodiac sign. The top “Birthday or Bust” signs? Sagittarius, Leo, Libra, Scorpio (hi), and Taurus. Translation: if you know one of us, clear your calendar.

Virgo, Aries, Capricorn, Leo, and Taurus. Which means Leos and Tauruses are complicated—sometimes they’re all in, sometimes they couldn’t care less. But honestly, that’s their journey.

For me, birthdays are non-negotiable. Life is short. The rent is too high. We’re drowning in bad news and worse coffee. So if someone wants to wear a crown and demand free dessert at dinner? Let them.

So yes, I’ll be making plans. Multiple plans. There will be cocktails. And cake. A tiara involved. And if you roll your eyes when I remind you? That’s fine. I’ll just invite someone else.

Bottom line: Whether you’re a birthday month person or a “meh, whatever” person, celebrate yourself. Because one day, you won’t get another birthday. And wouldn’t it be a shame to look back and realize you didn’t even eat the cake.