Fridge Fears: Is That Chicken Still Good?

Let me just say this: I save my husband’s life at least once a week. Every time he opens the fridge and asks, “Is this chicken still okay?” or “Does this roast beef smell funny to you?”— I become the human version of the FDA.

Sometimes I’m OSHA too, especially when he’s holding a spoon and staring at week-old tuna salad like he’s about to play Russian roulette with his gut.

And apparently, I have reason to be this dramatic. Consumer Reports just dropped a list of the most dangerous foods lurking in our fridges, and honestly? It’s a horror show in there.

First up: deli meat. It’s supposed to make your sandwich easier, not send you to the ER. But last year? It took out 87 people and killed 10. I will never look at a turkey sub the same way again.

Cucumbers are next. Which is rude, because I thought they were just crunchy water. Turns out they’re crunchy water with a side of hospitalization—173 people ended up sick. Thanks, cukes.

Raw milk and cheese made the list, because nothing screams “back to nature” like 29 people sprinting to the ER with E. coli.

Then there’s queso fresco and cotija, which sound festive but ended in two deaths. Imagine dying over cheese. I mean, I love cheese, but not like that.

Eggs, onions, and leafy greens also made the cut. Basically, if it goes in a salad or omelet, it might also send you to the hospital.

Organic carrots? Yes. That’s the betrayal I didn’t see coming. One death and 20 people sick because of carrots. Bugs Bunny would be shook.

Organic basil also made the list, proving even your herb garden might be plotting against you.

And finally, pre-cooked meat—like those “healthy” frozen burritos and sad desk salads. They get recalled more often than my memory when I walk into a room and forget why.

So yeah. The fridge is basically a booby-trapped mystery box. And I’m the only thing standing between my husband and a very unfortunate episode of The Pitt: Stomach Edition.