Spring? Never Heard Of Her

You know that moment when you’ve been freezing your butt off since February, layered up like an arctic explorer just to take the trash out, and you think, “I can’t wait for spring”?

Yeah. Me too.

I spent months fantasizing about sunshine, patio drinks, warm breezes, and that smug joy of not having to scrape ice off the windshield.

Technically. But somehow we’ve catapulted straight from “maybe I’ll wear my cute winter boots one more time because it's 40 degrees and WON'T STOP RAINING" to “WHY IS MY BACK SWEATING AT 9AM?”

It’s going to be 80 today. Ninety next week.

We skipped spring like it owed us money.

And oh, how I dreamed of sitting outside.

Dreamed!

But you know what I found instead of patio bliss? A broken outdoor faucet. But wait, there's more.

That broken faucet led to a fun little scavenger hunt, only to discover—plot twist—a busted underground pipe leading to the garage faucet.

But hold up. We also have ground bees. GROUND. BEES. Just vibing in the earth like they pay the mortgage.

Also, bunnies. Cute little freeloaders. Absolutely horking down every single plant like they’re at an all-you-can-eat buffet in my yard. Nothing sacred. Nothing safe.

And if I did want to sit outside with a glass of rosé and pretend I’m in a Nancy Meyers movie? I can’t. Pollen blankets the deck. My allergies are in full betrayal mode. Every time I open the door, it feels a bale of hay smacked in the face.

So tell me again: why do we yearn for warm weather? Why do we build it up in our heads like it’s going to solve all our problems and turn us into carefree versions of ourselves with tousled hair and glowing skin?

Turns out, it’s just sweat, plumbing disasters, rodent salad bars, and bees.

But hey—at least we’re not cold.