Is May the Worst Month to Be a Parent? Oh, Absolutely.

May is the boss level of parenting. You’ve slogged through the winter holidays, survived the stomach bugs of February, and limped through Spring Break, only to find yourself now—bewildered, and holding a bake sale sign-up sheet like it’s a subpoena.

Field Day, Theme Week, Spring Concert, Art Shows, Teacher Appreciation Week (which lasts seven days but somehow requires 14 different Pinterest-level gift ideas).

And let's not forget: you’re also supposed to be planning all of summer right now. Camps, vacations, childcare—because God forbid your kid have a free afternoon in July.

Free afternoons breed TikToks and boredom, and that’s just asking for trouble.

Also: Do you get the bus monitor a gift? What about the school nurse? Your kid had pinkeye once; does that warrant a Starbucks card?

How many $10 gift cards is too many to buy in a single week? And why is everything happening on a Tuesday at 2:15 p.m., when normal people are at work, not watching second graders "dance like no one's watching" to Pharrell's Happy?

And what is Theme Week? Why does your child need to dress as their "future career" on Monday, wear neon on Tuesday, bring a poem about kindness on Wednesday, and show up as their "favorite fruit" on Thursday? These are not the traditions of a functioning society.

I once threatened to send Lucy to school in a neglige for pajama day, just so the MADNESS would end.

Let’s talk about the bake sale. Or more accurately, the last-minute “Can you make 36 cupcakes by tomorrow?” text you get at 8:46 p.m. You don’t even have eggs. Now you’re the parent frantically sprinkling powdered sugar on a box of stale mini muffins at midnight, wondering when your life became a cross between Top Chef and a nervous breakdown.

And amid it all, you're still doing your actual job, keeping tiny humans alive, managing a household, and pretending you're totally fine when your boss mentions Q3 deliverables.

And while your kids are thriving and making memories, you’re just trying to remember if it’s crazy hat day or if you hallucinated that in a fever dream.

Hang in there. Only a month left. Then it’s summer. And you’ll be just as stressed, but at least it’ll be warm.