Old Person Habits You Should Adopt
Look, I’m not old. I don’t feel old. I don’t act old. But apparently, according to a very judgmental social media thread, I have fully embraced the ancient ways of…
Active elderly people looking at the camera while standing together against a colourful wall. Group of four senior citizens feeling confident and youthful in colourful clothing.
Look, I’m not old. I don’t feel old. I don’t act old. But apparently, according to a very judgmental social media thread, I have fully embraced the ancient ways of our elders.
Of the 16 so-called “old person” habits floating around the internet, I do 13. Thirteen! That’s 81% for those of you who refuse to use a calculator (another “old person” move, by the way).
The only old person things I don’t do?
- Collecting cats. Nope. I enjoy breathing without fur in my lungs.
- Wearing those glasses straps. Not today, Satan.
- Complaining about young people. I like young people. They help me with Instagram, CapCut, and tell me when I’m being cringe. Also, they have the energy to go outside and fetch things for me.
But the rest? Oh, absolutely.
- Weekend errands before noon? Yes. Because the grocery store at 10 AM is a peaceful paradise. By 2 PM, it’s a war zone with carts and crying children blocking every aisle.
- Early dinners? Of course. You mean I can eat at 5, digest properly, and not wake up at 2 AM regretting my life choices? Revolutionary.
- Ignoring the clock? Radical concept: Eat when you’re hungry. Sleep when you’re tired. Time is a social construct.
- Wearing comfortable clothes at home? What monster doesn’t do this? Slippers, sweatpants, blankets—it’s a vibe.
- Using lap blankets. Heated blankets. All the blankets. Comfort is king.
- Wanting to stay home. My couch > anywhere else. And yes, people can come to me. (But honestly? I’d prefer they didn’t.)
- Keeping a stash of plastic bags? I don’t hoard them. I curate a responsible collection. It’s called preparedness.
- Using a pill organizer. Vitamins, allergy meds, ibuprofen for my questionable life choices. It’s just good sense.
- Turning down the volume while parking? Obviously. I don’t need extra noise while I’m performing a high-stakes maneuver.
- Using closed captions? Yes. Do you know how fast people mumble through dialogue? Subtitles are a necessity, not a luxury.
- Having paper printouts of important stuff. Sure, my phone could hold my itinerary, but I don’t trust it. Also, nothing loads when I actually need it.
Honestly, every single one of these habits is smart. Comfort? Convenience? Efficiency? This isn’t “getting old.” This is leveling up.
So, call me old all you want. I’ll be over here in my cozy sweatpants, sipping tea, watching my captioned shows, and living my absolute best life
