The Perfect Day Is Naps, Snacks, And Screens And I’m Here for It
Ah, the perfect day. A utopia of naps, TV, and just enough socializing to feel like a well-adjusted human being. According to a new poll, America’s “perfect day” is essentially a mix of being horizontal, mildly engaged, and well-fed. And honestly? I respect it.
Let’s break this down.
First, we’re getting six hours and 54 minutes of sleep, plus a 42-minute nap. Now, I don’t know who decided we can’t round that up to a full seven hours, but OK. Sleep is life. Sleep is peace. Sleep is avoiding all responsibilities until you absolutely have to acknowledge them. Perfect.
Then we’ve got two hours of eating—a truly noble commitment. What are we eating? Who cares. As long as there’s baloney involved, this gets my full endorsement.
Three hours of family time—okay, now we’re getting into risky territory. I love my family. I do. But three consecutive hours? That’s pushing it. For them! We need breaks – unless it’s a birthday or a holiday. Then we spend, like, all day together.
Moving on: one hour and 24 minutes with friends—great, love it. Just enough time to catch up, talk about how we never see each other, and then leave before we get too emotionally vulnerable.
One hour and six minutes hanging with pets—a literal dream. If anything, this should be mandatory. More pets. Always.
Three hours and six minutes of TV—finally, America, we agree on something! I’ll take my perfect day with a side of mindless binge-watching, thank you.
Ninety minutes on the phone—scrolling, texting, doomscrolling, repeat. No notes, this is perfect.
Forty-eight minutes of exercise—HA. EVERY DAY? Absolutely not. This number feels suspiciously ambitious. I’ll allow a ten-minute walk if it leads directly to a snack.
And let’s not forget one hour and 18 minutes of music—a solid soundtrack is key to any day, perfect or otherwise. Preferably something nostalgic to remind me of my youth, when I had energy and joints that didn’t crack every time I moved.
The recipe for a perfect day.
Am I going to get 16 of these in 2025? Probably not. But I’ll settle for a nap, some Netflix, and a really baloney sandwich. Dream big, America.
