Six Weird Ways You Will Catch The Attention Of The TSA
Let’s face it: nobody dreams of quality time with airport security. But if you’re itching for some blue-glove action, here’s a guide to six behaviors guaranteed to get you flagged. (Thanks, Fox News, for making our next airport visit even weirder.)
1. Dressing for a different climate.
Sweating bullets in your parka at LAX in July? The TSA might think you’re hiding more than a bad sense of style. Layers scream “I’m smuggling something,” even if it’s just insecurity about your arms. Pro tip: Dress for the weather. Save your winter coat for actual winter.
2. Yawning like you haven’t slept since Y2K.
Big yawns are a stress signal, apparently. (Or maybe you just stayed up all night bingeing true crime.) Either way, a parade of yawns can get you flagged. Next time, sip coffee and suppress the yawns. Or risk someone asking, “What’s got you so tired, huh?”
3. Avoiding eye contact like a shifty raccoon.
Looking anywhere but the TSA agent? Bad move. It’s like wearing a neon sign that says, “Search me, I have secrets.” Practice casual eye contact. Not too much—this isn’t a staring contest—but enough to look like a normal human who definitely doesn’t have a fake passport.
4. Overachieving in the charm department.
Being super chatty with security? That screams “I’m distracting you while my accomplice sneaks through.” Keep your chit-chat minimal. A polite smile is fine. Explaining your entire travel itinerary? Not so much.
5. Dousing yourself in cologne like it’s 1998 and you’re at a Xaverian dance.
Nothing says “I’m hiding something” like smelling like a fragrance counter explosion. TSA might think you’re masking the scent of contraband. Skip the eau de “I’m trying too hard” and aim for neutral instead.
6. Going full drama queen.
Arguing with TSA is like arguing with a vending machine—it never ends well. Lose your cool, and they’ll pull you aside just to make a point. Channel your inner zen and save the rage for baggage claim.
Moral of the story? Don’t make yourself memorable at security.