FOXBORO, MA - SEPTEMBER 27: Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots looks on during the game against the Jacksonville Jaguars at Gillette Stadium on September 27, 2015 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)

Tom Brady! How am I supposed to go to the gym and eat avocado ice cream and read up on the TB12 Method when you do THIS to me?

And by this, I mean unleash a tease of your new docu-series “Tom vs. Time”. (Hand to God, when I first saw the headline, I thought you were suing Time magazine for something.)

Tom vs Time

"What are you willing to do and what are you willing to give up to be the best you can be?" - Tom Brady Follow the new series Tom vs Time. Coming soon, only on Facebook Watch.

Annnnnyway, I appreciate your work ethic and what it takes to be the best, but I am WAY more excited to catch a glimpse of  your home and your life with Gisele – how you live, decorate, what kind of cabinets do you have, etc. In short, I’m in it for the window treatments.

And so I have pored over this tease like you look over game tapes. And here are my takeaways.

A.) You seem to really like your children. This is endearing and makes me like you more.

B.) I like that you have an upright piano for the kids and not some glam grand one. Also, there’s a guitar (fun!) and you have family photos everywhere. (See exhibit A.) Also, that phone is very old school and a landline, which also makes you very interesting.

C.) That is some AWESOME breakfast nook. Well done, sir.

D.) What is happening here? OK, it’s called exercising and you are in some hut in Costa Rica and your wife is there exercising with you. THIS IS SUCH AN ODD CONCEPT TO ME, which is why my docu-series is going to be called:

“Lauren vs. Time. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”

E.) I love everything about this house. The muted colors. The tree stump side table. Gisele.

So, my advice? Less FOOTBALL STUFF and more HGTV segments! That’s my kind of time!