'Tis the Season For...SPRAY TANS! Yet ANOTHER Cautionary Tale. - LBF

I'm pale. I'm Irish, Scottish and English. I do not tan and I am a walking advertisement for sunscreen. And despite what Deadly Dermatologist Loren Owens says, suntanning is bad for me (and you.) And because of the advent of spray tanning, I am not allowed to just go Goth in the summer and rock a whiter shade of pale.

I need to undergo the hose.

This is actually slightly humiliating, especially for someone who would prefer to shower in a bathing suit.

ANYWAY, this is me before the spray:

Loren & Wally

Why are pale people forced to get spray tans? -LBF

So I brave it, go in, disrobe, don a hair net, and proceed to be sprayed down looking like a water buffalo in a thong about to serve lunch to a bunch of 4th graders.

Also, I kind of look like Top Chef's Tom Colicchio here:

See what I  mean?

Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images for Food & Wine)

It actually turned out OK! (It got A LOT darker later.)

At least it Didn't go like this:

Ross Gets A Spray Tan | Friends

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Happy Memorial Day Weekend!