LOOK: Julian Edelman's Baby Mama Had a Shower - LBF

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MAKES ME RAGE HARDER THAN A WOMAN WITH BACK LABOR BEFORE HER EPIDURAL.

Behold Ella Rose, Julian Edelman's baby mama, who has a BABY - not a Big Mac - in that belly. She's a model and not only is she blessed with good looks and great hair, she apparently has a body that REFUSES TO SWELL even though there is a HUMAN BEING in there.

Anyway...Ella Rose had the Pinterest-of-all-Pinterest baby showers this past weekend. Apparently they were serving up cake, canapes and crop tops to honor the new life.

And then there's the obvious homage to the fertility goddesses above, what with their Snapchat-inspired floral headgear and Clash-of-the-Titans-knock off Baby Shower fashions. (What in the name of LADY GRACE is with the whole boobs-hanging-out-under-and-over-thing? There's a French theme, but this is bringing the Can-Can to a whole, new level.

I guess Ella and Julian are having a girl baby, which explains all the pink, but you know what I need someone else to explain?

WHY IS NO ONE EATING?

Listen, when I got pregnant, I was half into it for the food. (OK, fine, 75 percent). For nine months, I didn't have to hold my stomach in ONCE. It was the best time in my life. What I lacked in margarita intake, I made up with Hostess Powdered Donuts. Once I polished off an entire nine-pack while I was waiting for the chicken parm to heat up.

No joke.

I just can't with these ladies. I just can't. So, if you'll excuse me, I have to go gorge on some chicken parm. I'm eating for ALL THESE PEOPLE.

Loved the French theme for the baby shower. Thanks to everyone who was involved in creating it [email protected] @bhpcatering @sunsetplazaflorist

See this Instagram photo by @officialellarose * 1,193 likes

Had so much fun at my baby shower yesterday ???? Thank you @abigailratchford for being the best hostess ????

See this Instagram photo by @officialellarose * 2,316 likes